Growing with Goals
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” – Robert Byrne.
One of the greatest gifts parents can give themselves and their children is a sense of purpose. Goals are not just tasks or ambitions but something specific that you want to achieve, and having concrete goals allows you to align your actions to reach them.
The lack of direction can make children and adults feel lost or disconnected. Children, especially, might find it hard to stay motivated, focused, or confident when they aren’t working towards something they believe in. Parents, too, may struggle to guide and support their children if they haven’t reflected on their own goals—or if goals are set for the child rather than with the child.
Setting goals
“You will never hit a target you cannot see.” – Zig Ziglar.
Just like an archer needs a visible target, children and parents need a clear sense of where they’re heading to move forward with purpose. Setting goals doesn’t begin with a rigid plan or a checklist—it starts with a conversation. A gentle, open-hearted talk where a parent sits beside their child and asks, “What matters to you?” The question might seem simple, but the answers can be revealing. Sometimes children speak of big dreams—becoming a scientist, learning a new instrument, making new friends, or doing well in school. Other times, their wishes are quieter, feeling more confident, having fewer fights with a sibling, or being understood.
The most important thing a parent can do is listen—not to correct or redirect, but to listen with curiosity. Let your child take the lead as they explore what’s important to them. These conversations build trust and help parents understand their child’s inner world more deeply.
Shared goals
Setting goals with children is vital. This ensures the child’s voice is heard and understood. Children are more likely to take responsibility for their actions and feel capable of handling challenges. At the same time, parents begin to see their children more clearly, appreciating their hopes and values. This process enhances the parent-child relationship and creates a strong foundation for lifelong reflection, responsibility, and resilience.
Small steps
Arjun, a bright 15-year-old young man, had his world turned upside down by relentless bullying at school. Once confident and engaged, he withdrew completely — isolating himself at home, battling depression, and gaining weight. His anxiety grew so severe that even stepping outside felt impossible.
Under psychiatric care and multiple medications, Arjun still struggled to reconnect with friends and his social circle. That’s when I began coordinating his care, focusing on treatment and rebuilding his confidence through small, achievable goals.
His first goal was simple: walk to the beach near his home, spend five minutes there, and return. There was no pressure, just a gentle step forward. Over two weeks, he managed it — not perfectly, but with effort. That small success became the foundation for more.
Each goal was brief, specific, and time-bound, helping Arjun gradually re-engage with the world. Progress was slow, connection was challenging, but he began to heal with encouragement and consistency from his supportive family. This story reminds us that progress towards recovery doesn’t always start with significant changes.
Setting a goal doesn’t mean overwhelming them with expectations. It means guiding them to take small, manageable steps—something they can feel good about. A child who wants to improve reading might start by choosing one book to finish within a week or a month. A child nervous about friendships might set a goal of saying hello to one new person daily. These small steps, done consistently, help improve confidence—this relentless pursuit of self-improvement in small steps is the principle behind the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen. With encouragement and support, your child begins to feel that what they care about is possible—that their effort matters.
Acknowledge and celebrate
As your child progresses, it’s essential to acknowledge and celebrate not just the outcome but the effort, the learning, and the growth along the way. These are the things that build confidence and a sense of purpose. Just as importantly, children learn by example. When they see their parents setting and pursuing meaningful goals, they realise that growth and purpose are lifelong pursuits.
Staying the Course: From Goal-Setting to Success
“The secret of success is constancy of purpose.” – Benjamin Disraeli
Once a goal is set, it acts as a guidepost—reminding us of what matters and where we’re heading. But to achieve it, we need more than just intention. We require dedication, discipline, willpower, and consistency. Most importantly, believing in the journey we’ve chosen is crucial. Willpower and discipline are qualities that can be strengthened through deliberate practice.
This doesn’t mean it will be easy. Achieving a meaningful goal often requires facing setbacks, staying focused when distractions pull us away, and holding on to hope when results aren’t immediate. But none of these challenges are reasons to give up. Instead, they’re part of the growth that occurs along the way.
Parents’ steady presence is essential to helping their children stay on track with their goals. Children thrive when they see that the people around them believe in their potential. Encourage their efforts, even when progress is slow. Celebrate their small wins and remind them of the bigger picture. Let them know mistakes aren’t failures—they’re part of the learning process.
Modelling
As adults, we can demonstrate what it means to stay committed, show that obstacles can be overcome with perseverance, and share our stories of persistence. When we didn’t give up, we kept going and finally succeeded.
Children who are supported in this way become quite confident. They realise they don’t need to be perfect but must keep trying. They begin to trust their abilities, which lays the foundation for success.
Believe in manifestation
Sometimes, the right resources or support will appear when needed. That’s the beauty of walking a path with purpose. What we need often finds us—when we’ve shown we’re ready for it.
So, whether setting a goal for yourself or helping your child hold onto theirs, remember: the key is to start strong and stay the course. Keep believing. That’s how goals become reality.
Disclaimer—This article discusses some general principles. Each person’s situation is different, and working within what’s best for each family is essential. Seeking advice from a coach might help set goals.
Resources that inspired the content of the article
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/goal-setting
Robin Sharma. The monk who sold his Ferrari. Jaico Publishing House. 189th Jaico impression, 2024.