Growing with Goals
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”– Robert Byrne.
Goals are not just tasks or ambitions; they are specific things you want to achieve, and having concrete goals helps you align your actions to reach them. The lack of direction can make children and adults feel lost or disconnected. Children, especially, might find it hard to stay motivated, focused, or confident when they aren’t working towards something they believe in. Parents, too, may struggle to guide and support their children if they haven’t reflected on their own goals—or if goals are set for the child rather than with the child.
Going about setting goals
“You will never hit a target you cannot see.”– Zig Ziglar.
Just like an archer needs a visible target, children and parents need a clear sense of where they’re heading to move forward with purpose. Setting goals doesn’t begin with a rigid plan or a checklist—it starts with a conversation. A gentle, open-hearted talk where a parent sits beside their child and asks, “What matters to you?” The question might seem simple, but the answers can be revealing. Sometimes children speak of big dreams—becoming a scientist, learning a new instrument, making new friends, or doing well in school. Other times, their wishes are quieter, feeling more confident, having fewer fights with a sibling, or being understood.
One of the most powerful things a parent can do is to truly listen—not to correct or redirect, but to listen with curiosity. When you let your child take the lead in exploring what matters to them, you build trust and gain a deeper understanding of their inner world. These open conversations are the foundation for meaningful goal setting. Start by asking your child what’s important to them. Resist the urge to jump in with your own ideas or solutions. Instead, encourage your child to share their dreams, interests, and even their worries. This approach helps children feel valued and understood, making them more likely to engage with their goals.
Using the SMART Framework
A popular and effective tool for goal setting is the SMART framework. When helping your child set goals, consider making them:
- Specific: Use clear, precise language so the goal is well-defined.
- Measurable: Make sure you can track progress and know when the goal is achieved.
- Achievable: Keep goals simple and realistic, focusing on one small step at a time.
- Realistic: Ensure the goal is within reach, given your child’s resources and circumstances.
- Time-bound: Set a clear deadline or timeframe for achieving the goal.
Encourage your child to set a mix of short-term (daily or weekly), monthly, yearly, and long-term goals. However, be careful not to overwhelm them with too many or overly ambitious goals. The aim is to inspire, not intimidate.
Remember, progress often comes from small, consistent actions. Whether it’s reading one book a month or saying hello to a new friend each day, these manageable steps build confidence and momentum. And celebrate not just the outcomes, but the effort and growth along the way.
Emotions and Goals
When people set goals, they often focus on the practical parts: the numbers, the timelines, the steps. All of that matters, of course. However, if emotions are left out, the goals start to feel strangely flat—almost robotic. Without that emotional layer, even the most carefully planned goal can feel mechanical.
What we forget is that goals are not just about what we want to do. They’re about how we want to feel while doing it, and after we’ve done it. It could be a sense of adventure, satisfaction, happiness, pride or contribution. Therefore, asking the question “how would it feel when you achieve the goal” is important. When you include the emotions you want to experience, the goal becomes more than an outcome.
Shared goals
Setting goals with children is vital. This ensures the child’s voice is heard and understood. Children are more likely to take responsibility for their actions and feel capable of handling challenges. At the same time, parents begin to see their children more clearly, appreciating their hopes and values.
Small steps
Lolitha, a bright 15-year-old young lady, had her world turned upside down by relentless bullying at school. Once confident and engaged, she withdrew completely — isolating herself at home, battling depression, and gaining weight. Her anxiety grew so severe that even stepping outside felt impossible. Despite psychiatric care and multiple medications, Lolitha still struggled to reconnect with friends and his social circle. After my review in clinic, as part of one of the strategies, we started focusing on rebuilding her confidence through small, achievable goals.
Her first goal was simple: walk to the beach near her home, spend five minutes there, and return. There was no pressure, just a gentle step forward. She was asked to keep a diary of her progress and to document the wins and struggles she had in achieving her goal. Over two weeks, she managed it — not perfectly, but with effort. That small success became the foundation for more goals.
Each goal was brief, specific, and time-bound, helping Lolitha gradually re-engage with the world. Progress was slow, and the connection was challenging, but she persevered with encouragement and consistency from her supportive family. This reminds us that progress towards recovery doesn’t always start with setting big goals, but rather with small, achievable goals.
Setting a goal doesn’t mean overwhelming them with expectations. It means guiding them to take small, manageable steps—something they can feel good about. A child who wants to improve reading might start by choosing one book to finish within a week or a month. A child who is nervous about making friends might set a goal of saying hello to one new person each day. These small steps, done consistently, help improve confidence—this relentless pursuit of self-improvement in small steps is the principle behind the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen. With encouragement and support, your child begins to feel that what they care about is possible—that their effort matters.
Acknowledge and celebrate
As your child progresses, it’s essential to acknowledge and celebrate not just the outcome but also the effort, learning, and growth along the way. These are the things that build confidence and a sense of purpose. Just as importantly, children learn by example. When they see their parents setting and pursuing meaningful goals, they realise that growth and purpose are lifelong pursuits.
Staying the Course: From Goal-Setting to Success
“The secret of success is constancy of purpose.”– Benjamin Disraeli
Once a goal is set, it acts as a guidepost—reminding us of what matters and where we’re heading. But to achieve it, we need more than just intention. We require dedication, discipline, willpower, and consistency. Most importantly, believing in the journey we’ve chosen is crucial. Willpower and discipline are qualities that can be strengthened through deliberate practice.
This doesn’t mean it will be easy. Achieving a meaningful goal often requires facing setbacks, staying focused amid distractions, and holding on to hope when results aren’t immediate. But none of these challenges is a reason to give up. Instead, they’re part of the growth that occurs along the way.
Parents’ steady presence is essential to helping their children stay on track with their goals. Children thrive when they see that the people around them believe in their potential. Encourage their efforts, even when progress is slow. Celebrate their small wins and remind them of the bigger picture. Let them know mistakes aren’t failures—they’re part of the learning process.
Modelling
As adults, you can demonstrate what it means to stay committed, show that obstacles can be overcome with perseverance, and share your stories of persistence. Children who are supported in this way become quite confident. They realise they don’t need to be perfect but must keep trying. They begin to trust their abilities, which lays the foundation for success.
Believe in manifestation
Sometimes, the right resources or support will appear when needed. That’s the beauty of walking a path with purpose. What we need often finds us—when we’ve shown we’re ready for it.
So, whether setting a goal for yourself or helping your child hold onto theirs, remember: the key is to start strong and stay the course. Keep believing. That’s how goals become reality.
Disclaimer—This article discusses some general principles. Each person’s situation is different, and working within what’s best for each family is essential. The stories mentioned in this article, although they are about real patients from my clinical practice, have been de-identified and do not include specifics about any one patient. The case is for illustrative purposes only. Seeking advice from a coach might help set goals.
Resources that inspired the content of the article
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/goal-setting
Robin Sharma. The monk who sold his Ferrari. Jaico Publishing House. 189th Jaico impression, 2024.