Self-Worth Theory and Procrastination
The problem isn’t that you’re aiming too high and missing it; the problem is that you’re aiming too low and missing it. It’s aiming too low and hitting that – Les Brown.
We often consider procrastination a sign of laziness or poor time management. This topic may be necessary for children who struggle to reach their full potential. Understanding the possible reasons behind the behaviour may help children reach their potential.
Procrastination is often a protective strategy. Individuals who genuinely care about achieving something meaningful may put off starting because the stakes feel incredibly high. They are not unmotivated; rather, they are over-motivated, which creates anxiety. This trait can be understood through the Self-Worth Theory of Motivation and Achievement in many instances.
The Link Between Performance and Self-Worth
At the heart of this theory is the idea that our sense of self-worth is tied to our performance, and even more specifically, our ability. Many people grow up with the belief that their value depends on how well they perform. This belief can be particularly intense in high-achieving individuals or those raised in environments that emphasise performance.
Overachievers often become hyper-focused on their goals to the point where they develop a fear of failure, which can lead them to avoid pursuing those goals and leave them feeling stuck. It’s known that guilt is a lesser emotion than shame. People can more easily manage the guilt of putting in suboptimal effort and failing with an excuse than they can cope with the feeling of shame. For instance, there’s shame in knowing that significant effort was made but still resulting in failure. If insufficient effort is exerted and they still succeed, they might feel clever.
Now, picture someone who believes that ability is fixed—you either have it or you don’t. This is what we refer to as a fixed mindset. For these individuals, failure isn’t just a setback—it feels like proof that they’re not good enough.
On the other hand, a growth mindset is the belief that ability can be developed with effort, learning, and persistence. For people with a growth mindset, mistakes are opportunities, not evidence of failure.
Why We Procrastinate
For many people, especially those with reduced self-worth, procrastination becomes a way to protect themselves from the pain of failure. If they don’t try—or if they leave it to the last minute—they can always say, “I didn’t have enough time.” I had some other priorities.
This is called self-sabotage, and it serves a protective purpose: it shields their sense of worth. It’s a way to cope with the fear of failure and the pressure to always appear competent.
Ironically, people procrastinate not because they don’t care, but because they care too much.
For example, a student who dreams of getting into medical school might delay studying, not because they’re unmotivated, but because the fear of failure overwhelms them. That fear freezes action.
Moving from Fear-Based Motivation to Purpose-Driven Action
One of the most powerful steps in overcoming procrastination is developing self-awareness:
Ask yourself: How do I feel right now?
Notice: Am I avoiding the task because it feels hard, or because it threatens my sense of self-worth?
Reflect: Am I doing something else (like organising my desk, cleaning my room) to avoid what matters?
When one recognises these patterns, one can begin to shift from avoidance motivation to approach motivation—moving towards what matters instead of away from what’s uncomfortable.
Practical Strategies for Overcoming Procrastination
- Challenge the belief that performance equals ability, and ability equals worth. Your value is not defined by achievement alone. We love others not because they succeed, but because of their kindness, courage, and presence.
- Reframe your goal as an experiment. Instead of saying, “I have to succeed,” try: “Let’s see what I can learn from trying.”
- Focus on values, not just goals. Rather than “I need to get top marks,” consider “I want to be someone who shows up and tries their best.”
- Break tasks into smaller chunks. Large tasks can feel overwhelming. Outlining the steps and tackling them one at a time creates momentum.
- Lower the stakes. You don’t have to be perfect. Progress matters more than perfection.
- Let your work be of service. Think about how your effort contributes to something larger than yourself—your future, your community, or your purpose.
Summary
It will be beneficial to stop equating ability with worth. Our children—and ourselves—are so much more than grades, performance, or success. The most important people in our lives are cherished not because of their achievements, but because of their compassion, humility, and vulnerability.
When fear drives our choices, we get stuck. But when hope and purpose lead the way, we begin to move forward.
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”—Nelson Mandela
Disclaimer: This is just one view from a self-worth point of view. There may be more than one perspective.
Suggested resources.
Nic Voge. Self-worth theory: The key to understanding and overcoming procrastination. TEDx PrincetonU
https://youtu.be/52lZmIafep4?si=OvMNNvZxcpXYQ7_2