Kolb’s Experiential Learning Theory and Behavioural Management in Children
Kolbe’s experiential theory is a framework generally used in education and simulation exercises for medical practitioners in my field. The concept may be extrapolated to assist with parenting behavioural issues as part of skill development and involves active experimentation.
This approach could be valuable in helping children develop desirable behaviours. Parents must use several opportunities to reframe incidents with children to transform them into positive frameworks for the future. Tantrums, struggles during bedtime routines, screen time, and moments of joy are all opportunities to allow children to reflect, learn, adapt, and grow. This involves an element of coaching children towards desirable behaviours.
Kolb describes learning as: “the process whereby knowledge is created through the transformation of experience. “In simple terms, we learn best when we take our experiences, reflect on them, make sense of them, and then try new approaches.
The Four Stages of Learning
Kolb outlines a cycle of four stages. Let’s see how each can apply to parenting and managing children’s behaviour: The example cited is from a parenting perspective.
Concrete Experience (the moment itself)
Example: Imagine that Sally (the parent) has struggled with her 6-year-old daughter, Molly, when she is taken to the supermarket. If Molly wants a toy and is refused, she will throw a tantrum and scream the place down. In response, Sally raises her voice and asks Molly to stop screaming, but Sally’s behaviour escalates to this. Sally often has to drag Molly out of the supermarket to the car.
Sally observed a friend of hers, Katie, when they went shopping together on one occasion. Katie responded to the child’s tantrums with kindness but assertiveness. Katie explained to her son, James, why the toy was unnecessary, as he had similar ones at home that were mostly not played with. James acknowledged that and then moved on with the shopping. After observing this, Sally decided to try this strategy with Molly the next time. Sally also practised a couple of times being assertive and using the exact words to be used if a problematic situation arises with Molly at the supermarket.
In her next visit to the supermarket, Sally remained calm when Molly threw a tantrum after demanding a toy. This time, Sally asserted her stand but was calm and composed. Molly initially resisted, but not getting the usual response from Sally, stopped the tantrum and continued shopping.
Reflective Observation (looking back)
After coming home, Sally reflects: What exactly happened? How did I respond? How did Molly react? How did Molly respond to the action taken? How well did the new strategy work? Is it the best strategy that I can use in similar future situations? Sally was pleased with her progress in managing Molly’s behaviour in the supermarket.
Abstract Conceptualisation (making sense of it)
Sally reflects on her approach and evaluates her response critically. Sally reflected and realised that Molly responds to a calm, relaxed voice, and responds to some rationalisation of the situation. Ex mentioning that she already had similar toys at home, and the new one may not excite her once she reaches home. Sally then finds success and decides to use this technique in another situation, such as a bedtime routine.
Active Experimentation (trying something new)
Based on her success, Sally decides to use this approach in another similar situation. She then decides to add another strategy: offering praise for Molly’s calm behaviour soon after the event to reinforce the positive behaviour. Sally will then continue with this constant trial in future encounters with Molly’s behaviour.
This cycle repeats because every parenting moment is another chance to learn, adapt, and improve. It might be helpful to maintain a diary for reflection and pondering the effectiveness of each strategy.
Learning Styles and Parenting
Kolb also identified four different learning styles. Recognising these can help us, as parents, better understand our children and devise strategies accordingly.
Converging (think and do): likes problem-solving and practical activities. They respond well to clear rules and step-by-step guidance.
Diverging (feel and watch): sensitive and reflective. They benefit from listening, storytelling, and talking through feelings.
Assimilating (think and watch): Enjoys patterns and explanations. They thrive when you explain why certain behaviours are expected.
Accommodating (feel and do): They learn by trying things out. They may resist instructions but thrive in hands-on experiences and role-play.
Children don’t always fit neatly into one style, but being aware of these differences helps us to tailor our parenting approaches.
Suppose we return to Molly throwing a tantrum at the supermarket, and Sally explains that there are very similar toys lying around at home that have not been played with. In that case, presenting this explicitly may help navigate the situation with Molly, whose learning style is assimilating. Explaining and rationalising that Molly already has similar toys at home and that this is yet another toy that doesn’t add much excitement helped Molly move on. Knowing Molly’s learning style, this approach could be extrapolated to other situations.
By recognising how children learn, parents can guide their behaviour in ways that genuinely make sense to them.
Why This Matters
It will be hard to be a perfect parent all the time. It involves observation, reflection, learning and trying new strategies. It’s also important to be kind to oneself and remind oneself that mistakes are part of learning and that reflection helps us grow in patience and creativity. Each person has different learning styles, and approaches may need to be modified to suit their respective learning styles.
I acknowledge that this is a simplified framework; situations can be more complex than described. Complex conditions may require complex solutions and input from professionals such as occupational therapists, psychologists, and coaches. Parents are encouraged to explore different options with behaviour management as part of self-skill development.
Disclaimer: This article is written as a general framework based on Kolbe’s experiential theory, which I use for simulation education for trainees. Hence, this is an extrapolation of the concept into the field of parenting, and other professionals may have different views on this topic. This is an article for parents to reflect upon. The information provided is not an alternative to advice provided by your treating physician or the expertise of an occupational therapist, psychologist or a coach. Please follow your health professionals’ advice on behavioural management. This article is only for information and deep reflection.
References
https://itali.uq.edu.au/teaching-guidance/teaching-practices/active-learning/experiential-learning