Looking beyond the obvious in child behavioural problems

One evening, a runner was doing his usual laps around a quiet park when he noticed a man crouched under a streetlamp. The man was pacing back and forth, scanning the ground with growing frustration.

The runner slowed down and approached. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’ve lost my car keys,” the man replied, without looking up.

“Do you think you dropped them here?” the runner asked.

The man hesitated. “I’m not sure. I might’ve dropped them somewhere else in the park. But this is where the light is—it’s too dark to search elsewhere.”

Often attributed to the 13th-century Sufi figure Mullah Nasruddin, this story has been told in many traditions and is sometimes called the “Streetlight Effect.” It reminds us of a very human habit: we tend to search for answers where it’s easiest to look, not necessarily where the answers truly are.

In the context of children’s behaviour, what we see—tantrums, defiance, withdrawal, or aggression—is like the area under the streetlamp. It’s visible to the eyes. But the core cause of the behaviour might be tucked deep away from plain sight, in places not so obvious: anxiety, fear, sensory sensitivities, learning differences, family dynamics, or challenges at school.

If we only respond to what’s visible, we may miss the real problem. Accurate understanding comes when we’re willing to look beyond the surface, to explore the darker, more complex corners of a child’s experience. That’s where the real problem lies.

As parents and professionals, we must search carefully and with compassion, wherever the keys to understanding a child might be found.